


House of Nations

by Tinnmal



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Historical Hetalia, Historical References, Technically?, gratuitous use of google translate, its not set historically but it has references to history, tomatoes vs potatoes, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 05:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30118197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinnmal/pseuds/Tinnmal
Summary: The world found out about the Nations, but that's old news. All Nations have been public figures for a while, and they believe it's time for the world to get to know them!If they could not cause World War III while they're at it, that would be wonderful.Reality TV Show AU where countries are made to live together in houses seperated by continents. Europe focused, but there will be non-European nations.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	House of Nations

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy. i have done. way too much research for this.
> 
> anyway welcome! i should be writing my other fics but i was hyperfixating and came up with too many ideas. oops?
> 
> also im writing in preperation for the new season which. much excite.
> 
> dunno how often ill update this, but here we go.
> 
> background info you can skip if you want: wikileaks somehow got hold of info about the Nations existance, but never got photos or human names. other the last while, many nations became public figures online (with twitter and the like) and with voice-only interviews. their meetings (eu, un, etc) ended up all online so no one could stalk them in and around meetings. then one night france went out drinking with america. this is the result.
> 
> yes i will be providing translations, but I used google translate and other translation software so if you speak any of these languages feel free to correct me or point out something that would work better. also note i have never stepped foot in europe in my entire life. i just like the characters :P

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's meet who'll be living in the Europe House!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another reminder that im using translation software, so please do give me better fitting translations!

England didn't know who's idea it was to begin with (probably America's), or who said yes on his behalf (probably Scotland, maybe France), but he wanted to leave now, thank you very much.

"Opinion controversée, but potatoes are beaucoup mieux than tomatoes."

In theory it was a good idea; house a handful of Nations in a single house and film it. It would show those that still rejected their existence that if you remove the immortality and the other odd caveats, they were just people. It would also allow them to potentially improve their public image outside of Twitter and voice-only interviews.

In practice however...

"Ex-fucking- _scuse_ me?!"

"You did not just say that, amigo."

"They're both very good!"

"Patate are the worst vegetable, pomodori are the best fruit. There shouldn't even need to be this- this-"

"Kartoffeln are sehr gut."

"You're not _helping_ Bruder-"

Housing a quarter of Europe in the same building was always bound to be a disaster, in his opinion. Nevermind the African version of the show. Or any of them, really. The calmest would probably be the one for the Americas, and that had _America_.

"Tomates are clearly superior!"

"I don't know mon ami, pommes de terre can go well with so many different foods..."

"картофель are better, да?

"Engi ór þú hafkennar, fiskr eru beztrinn matr khoice."

"They are!"

"For once I agree with him."

With a sigh and a sip if his tea (Earl Grey, of course, steeped for three minutes, one sugar cube to help prevent the oncoming headache he was bound to have), England ignored all the other nations he was unfortunately sharing a living space with and settled into the plush couch. It was a new house, built specially for the show, and was built in an old Swiss Chalet style with subtle influences of the rest of the continent. The house was isolated - mostly for secrecy and security, but also because of the multitude of shenanigans they're bound to get into. A beautiful meadow that was home to many fragrant flowers surrounded the house on three sides, with the remainder an old forest England was sure housed many magical creatures. The property was stunning, really, and was something England would want to live on back home. But alas, they were within Switzerland's borders.

"How could _any_ of you think that a shitty lump you have to dig from the ground is better than an elegant, rounded fruit that gives you so many vitamins you won't even know what half of them do!?"

"But that's the point, ja? We don't know what they do. Kartoffeln give you a shit load of minerals. And are super easy to grow."

Turning his attention to the camera crew that were there in front of him in the sitting room (and pointedly ignoring the unintelligible scream of rage produced behind him), he began his introduction.

"Hello, I am the Nation of England, and the usual representative of the United Kingdom at official events. While I do not wish to be here for this disaster, I am-" -cut off with a sudden bump of an elbow to the back of his head. It wasn't painful, of course, but there was enough force behind it to be an annoyance. Oh, his tea spilled. Really, they should've at _least_ waited for dinner that night before getting into any arguments.

He took a deep and calming breath (it didn't work, but allowed him to keep at least _some_ composure), heaved another sigh, placed his now tea-covered cup and saucer on the tasteful coffee table in front of him, and smiled politely towards the humans and their camera. "If you'll excuse me for but a moment."

The immediate cease of activity and the pale-as-sheet faces of the others when they caught sight of his expression gave England a sick sense of satisfaction. Ah, it felt good to have others trembling in fear from naught but a smile. He had almost forgotten the feeling.

Their faces paled impossibly further as his smile stretched wider at that thought.

* * *

Nothing to France sounded like a better time than having a large portion of the world live together. Most would say that he was a little _too_ gleeful at the prospect of the chaos it would cause, but France would disagree. He was _just_ the right amount of gleeful, in his not so humble opinion.

The idea, unfortunately, wasn't his. He sorely wished it was, but that achievement went to Amérique. Still, to keep things interesting France naturally had a hand in selecting who would be living in the house Suisse so graciously provided for them.

And lucky him! The chaos had already begun!

"Of all the times to rehash this argument, why did any of you believe this would be a good time?"

He _may_ have incited the argument for the sake of it, and he _may_ have goaded them on, but he swears he didn't mean for anyone to interrupt Angleterre's tea and introduction. Honest!

Aaah but how France had missed that look in Angleterre's eyes. It was passé tracamment terrifiant, sure, but there was just something about it.... A certain je ne sais quoi.

"It does not _matter_ in the _slightest_ if all of you fight over this; it is all up to personal preference. They're both healthy foodstuffs that provide many vitamins and minerals, but that does not mean one is inherently better than the other. Romano, there is no need to yell at everyone over it, Spain, there is no need to be so offended by it, Prussia, there is no need to egg them on."

Well, since his neighbour was settling _that_ , he could take the opportunity to introduce the obvious star of the show; him.

Since no one really knew which of them were which country - they had managed to keep their identities hidden after the leak, Dieu merci - they needed to introduce themselves to the world; their audience. And who was France to deny the people what they want?

"Bonjour!" He cheerfully greeting the camera crew, draping himself over the surprisingly comfortable couch where his favourite little island had just been seated, "Je m'appelle France; the country of l'amour, good food, and beautiful scenery. We're in for a fun time here, non?" Ending his sentence with a wink, France was cut off from saying anything else by a furious Englishman.

"-And _you!_ " Well, would you look at that, it's time to start dinner prep!

* * *

"Ciao! I'm Italia Veneziano! I represent the top part of Italy, and my brother-"

"You better not try anything with my brother, Potato Bastard! I'm keeping a close eye on you and your shitty suspicious potato ways!"

"-And my brother Romano is the southern part. I hope to have lots of pasta and fun! And pasta!"

* * *

"Italia Romano _._ Why the fuck am I even here? Mio fratello is here already, I could be getting shit done back home but _no_ they just had to have _both_ of us-"

* * *

"I am Germany, and I just hope that we don't set the house on fire or have a homicide."

* * *

"Kesesese, I am the awesome Preußen. I am awesome and so is Gilbird."

"Chirp!"

* * *

"Привет, I am Россия. It is good to be here. I want to make lots and lots and lots of friends."

* * *

"¡Hola!"

"Oi Tomato Bastard! Why the fuck is your alabarda here?!"

"Ignore Romano, si? I am España, and I am muy grateful to América for coming up with this idea. We should invite some of the others and have a giant sleepover! What do you think, Romano?"

"Fuck no!"

* * *

"I am Norway. Why did I let myself be talked into this?"

"Because Tanska was doing drunk karaoke and you heard Islanti was going to be here!"

"Right, that." A critical eye roamed over the crew's forms, "Þú allr hafneir sense ór klothing, ok skulu burn hvat þú hefi."

* * *

"I am Finland, and I would love it if everyone could get along and be friends! But mainly I'm just hoping no one accidentally summons a demon."

* * *

"Ελλάδα. I like cats. I want to pet cats. Would you like to bet on if Αγγλία ends up sleeping with Γαλλία by the end of the season? Thirty euro says no, one hundred euro says yes, one hundred and twenty euro says yes, but only after Αγγλία is drunk, and three hundred euro says instead of Γαλλία, he'll sleep with Πρωσία instead."

* * *

"I'm Iceland, and I'm only here because I was told to. I wouldn't be anywhere near here otherwise."

"Call me bi-"

"I will not call you big brother!"

* * *

"Hallo, leuk je te ontmoeten! I am Belgie. If you ask me how I do my hair I won't hesitate!"

* * *

"As I was saying," England let out a barely-there sigh of relief as he sat back down onto the couch with a fresh cup of tea (this time chamomile and a dash of milk for the headache he had developed), "I do not wish to be here for this disaster, for I am sure it will become one, but I am grateful for the opportunity to spend some time with certain individuals, as well as avoid others. It unfortunately seems like lady luck is not currently favouring me, as I have to share a house with the Frog and his friend group, but otherwise I have nary a quandary about most others in this house. I merely have two hopes for this venture: That America does not visit, and all but a select few stay out of the basement."

"But seriamente, Tomates are better."

"Oh for the love of-"

It wasn't caught on camera, but the look the camera crew shared spoke volumes on whether they thought the show was a good idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked that taste of what is to come! 
> 
> i honestly dont know wholl end up with who, if anyone will end up with anyone. i said i did hella research for this, and ive come to the realization that (if you go by hre = germany) france and germany are probably twins and are half brothers with north italy, france and england are technically cousins, prussia is actually younger than germany and also adopted, among many. MANY other things. if you have suggestions on what you wanna see, ill hear em, but no guarentees. im leaning towards either fruk (cos ive always loved fruk), or pruk. mayybe portuk? (if thats the ship name lmao), and obv gerita. though, that last one was planned before i learned that theyre probably half brothers sooo. also no, there will be no spamano.
> 
> fun fact, dont research european dark ages history if you want to ship hetalia characters!
> 
> you can also suggest activities, shenanigans, and challenges for them! there will be guest appearances on the show, and im styling this very loosly on a mix of big brother and the office. so you have them all living together and the reality tv of bb, but the shenanigans and crack of the office.
> 
> here are all translations, regardless of if theyre obvious or not, in order of appearance:
> 
> Opinion controversée - french, controversial opinion
> 
> beaucoup mieux - french, much better
> 
> amigo - spanish, friend
> 
> Patate - italian, potatoes
> 
> pomodori - italian, tomatoes
> 
> Kartoffeln - german, potatoes
> 
> sehr gut - german, very good
> 
> Bruder - german, brother
> 
> Tomates - spanish, tomatoes
> 
> mon ami - french, my friend
> 
> pommes de terre - french, potatoes (though it literally means apple of the ground)
> 
> картофель - russian, potatoes
> 
> да - russian, yes
> 
> Engi ór þú hafkennar, fiskr eru beztrinn matr khoice. - old norse, "None of you have taste, fish are the best food choice."
> 
> ja - german, yes
> 
> Amérique - french, America
> 
> Suisse - french, Switzerland
> 
> Angleterre - french, England
> 
> passé tracamment terrifiant - french, pants shittingly terrifying
> 
> je ne sais quoi - french, literally means 'I don't know what', but also means 'an indefinable, elusive quality, especially a pleasing one'
> 
> Dieu merci - french, thank God
> 
> Bonjour - french, hello
> 
> Je m'appelle - french, my name is
> 
> l'amour - french, love
> 
> non - french, no
> 
> Ciao - italian greeting
> 
> Italia Veneziano - the italian way of saying italy veneziano
> 
> Italia Romano - italian way of saying italy romano
> 
> Mio fratello - italian, my brother
> 
> Preußen - german, prussia
> 
> Привет - russian, hello
> 
> Россия - russian, russia
> 
> Hola - spanish, hello
> 
> alabarda - italian, halberd
> 
> si - spanish, yes
> 
> España - spanish, spain
> 
> muy - spanish, very
> 
> América - spanish, america
> 
> Tanska - finnish, denmark
> 
> Islanti - finnish, iceland
> 
> Þú allr hafneir sense ór klothing, ok skulu burn hvat þú hefi. - old norse, "You all have no sense of clothing, and also should burn what you wear."
> 
> Ελλάδα - greek, greece
> 
> Αγγλία - greek, england
> 
> Γαλλία - greek, france
> 
> Πρωσία - greek, prussia
> 
> Hallo, leuk je te ontmoeten! - dutch, 'Hello, nice to meet you!'
> 
> Belgie - dutch, belgium
> 
> seriamente - spanish, seriously
> 
> see yall later!

**Author's Note:**

> youve reached the end! please leave a kudos if you liked it, and share with people you know :)


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